No longer afraid or clinging to old ways, I will now take my place with the others on my spiritual path. I am strong and powerful and can do whatever it is I choose to do. I will not let society rule me or choose the path they see fit. I am not like them, I am an individual. You will not rule me, nor will you make decisions for me, I may be different, but I AM ME! We all should listen to the hawk for we all are one.The hawk has led me to believe I have NOTHING to fear. For if I let go of my old ways, I too may be set free, to fly like the hawk in the breeze. It is now time for me to bid farewell to the past and greet the present with open arms. As I now go on my inward journey to discover Self and where exactly it is that I come from, I ask you to be patient for I am now just discovering my inner power. I am trying to give my most inner and intimate feelings a voice. It will no longer be kept caged afraid of what might happen if I let it out.
I have recently been faced with something amazing, during dream state four red tail hawks came to me. One was in front of me speaking to me. The words he spoke were underneath him like captions from a foreign movie. I couldn't bring myself to read the words, I was too afraid of the hawk and was trying to run away from him.
A few days while I was up in my room having my quiet time and meditating the hawk resurfaced. As I was listening to my Douglas Spotted Eagle cd the hawk came flying towards me. I was sitting at my desk looking out my bedroom window, when all of the sudden this hawk started flying towards our house and towards my bedroom window. As, it came through the trees it began to circle above my window. The sky was so blue and the sun was shining and brought out every intricate detail of my little messenger. The brown of his wings, the black streaks, the white trim, the red of his beautiful tail stood out against the sky like nothing I had ever seen before. It was then that I realized I must begin to listen to myself. The hawk was trying to open my eyes up to something amazing. I have been living in the past afraid of what the future might hold. I now know that God has sent an unexpected gift to watch over me and to open my eyes up to all of life's beautiful creations. I no longer have to run from the past or fear the future. I know I still have much to learn, but I now feel I can grasp anything that is cast in my direction.
A question that must be asked is what is it that I am so afraid of? What is it that I fear? Is it perhaps being rejected, not succeeding in what I try to do, not being good enough, not living up to my expectations, OR not living up to everybody Else's expectations? What? These are all things that weigh heavily on my mind, but I always try to brush it away or ignore it. Maybe if I ignore it, it will just go away! Here I thought this was going to be the end, little did I know this was just the beginning of something truly beautiful.
Ever since I can remember I wanted to make everyone happy, then after I lost my oldest brother to suicide my life felt extremely empty and dark. I often wondered why he left me here in the mundane world and he got to go to the heavenly plane so to speak.
After he died he came to me in a dream. A dream that will forever be burned into my heart and mind. He was dressed in all white, his shirt was a button up dress shirt with a white overcoat to match.He also had on dress pants and white shoes...A beautiful man and he stood right there in front of me. His hair was feathered back like he used to wear it. He had a beard and mustache and his blue eyes were shining so brightly.He had a beautiful smile on his face and he had his hand outstretched to me. I was wearing a long white dress to my ankles with white shoes. My brown curly hair was down and I was smiling back at him. We were surrounded in what looked like bright white clouds, almost as if in a fog. I was talking to him and telling him how much I missed him and loved him, I went to reach out to him and he started drifting back.I was running towards him and pleading with him to stop and come back so I could go with him.He stopped held out his hand and this time when I reached for his hand my went straight through his.I was crying and he started drifting again, he drifted back into the fog and left me there alone screaming, " I love you and I want to go with you." Then I woke up...
Now would be a good time to stop and share what just came to me. In the beginning of this I started out by saying "that I am an individual, I am me. That I needed to let go of the past" There is something deep inside that tells me that the hawk is a sign from the Cosmic or is in some way my brother. The suicide has had a firmer grip on my than I ever imagined. Just by starting out saying, " no one will hold me back," then going right into the dream about my brother.Its all connected and I never realized it before.I always asked, " Why did you do this to yourself." In the dream with the hawk when I couldn't understand what was being said to me it's like he was trying to talk to me but I was to afraid of what he was trying to say. I was unwilling to understand what was going on.In the first dream he drifted away from me telling me no it wasn't my time. In the second dream when i was running from the hawk I was avoiding the situation, because I didn't want to say goodbye.
Now, last night I had a dream and my brother and I were on a bicycle built for two. he was on the front and I was on the back.Then the bike broke apart and were each on separate bikes racing up a big hill. It was then that it hit me like a ton of bricks. Even though we are no longer connected in the physical world as one, we are separate, in the spiritual world even though the bike broke apart, we were still riding side by side...I thank you for this realization. Now, I think I should say goodbye . I will no longer cling to the past his suicide. I need to stop dwelling on the negative and imagine the places the two of can go together now. As a hawk he is free. He and I always connect during dream state and for that I am thankful. Now, the places we can go are endless, but one thing is for sure where ever we go it will be side by side. A brothers love. In beauty it is finished.
I have recently been faced with something amazing, during dream state four red tail hawks came to me. One was in front of me speaking to me. The words he spoke were underneath him like captions from a foreign movie. I couldn't bring myself to read the words, I was too afraid of the hawk and was trying to run away from him.
A few days while I was up in my room having my quiet time and meditating the hawk resurfaced. As I was listening to my Douglas Spotted Eagle cd the hawk came flying towards me. I was sitting at my desk looking out my bedroom window, when all of the sudden this hawk started flying towards our house and towards my bedroom window. As, it came through the trees it began to circle above my window. The sky was so blue and the sun was shining and brought out every intricate detail of my little messenger. The brown of his wings, the black streaks, the white trim, the red of his beautiful tail stood out against the sky like nothing I had ever seen before. It was then that I realized I must begin to listen to myself. The hawk was trying to open my eyes up to something amazing. I have been living in the past afraid of what the future might hold. I now know that God has sent an unexpected gift to watch over me and to open my eyes up to all of life's beautiful creations. I no longer have to run from the past or fear the future. I know I still have much to learn, but I now feel I can grasp anything that is cast in my direction.
A question that must be asked is what is it that I am so afraid of? What is it that I fear? Is it perhaps being rejected, not succeeding in what I try to do, not being good enough, not living up to my expectations, OR not living up to everybody Else's expectations? What? These are all things that weigh heavily on my mind, but I always try to brush it away or ignore it. Maybe if I ignore it, it will just go away! Here I thought this was going to be the end, little did I know this was just the beginning of something truly beautiful.
Ever since I can remember I wanted to make everyone happy, then after I lost my oldest brother to suicide my life felt extremely empty and dark. I often wondered why he left me here in the mundane world and he got to go to the heavenly plane so to speak.
After he died he came to me in a dream. A dream that will forever be burned into my heart and mind. He was dressed in all white, his shirt was a button up dress shirt with a white overcoat to match.He also had on dress pants and white shoes...A beautiful man and he stood right there in front of me. His hair was feathered back like he used to wear it. He had a beard and mustache and his blue eyes were shining so brightly.He had a beautiful smile on his face and he had his hand outstretched to me. I was wearing a long white dress to my ankles with white shoes. My brown curly hair was down and I was smiling back at him. We were surrounded in what looked like bright white clouds, almost as if in a fog. I was talking to him and telling him how much I missed him and loved him, I went to reach out to him and he started drifting back.I was running towards him and pleading with him to stop and come back so I could go with him.He stopped held out his hand and this time when I reached for his hand my went straight through his.I was crying and he started drifting again, he drifted back into the fog and left me there alone screaming, " I love you and I want to go with you." Then I woke up...
Now would be a good time to stop and share what just came to me. In the beginning of this I started out by saying "that I am an individual, I am me. That I needed to let go of the past" There is something deep inside that tells me that the hawk is a sign from the Cosmic or is in some way my brother. The suicide has had a firmer grip on my than I ever imagined. Just by starting out saying, " no one will hold me back," then going right into the dream about my brother.Its all connected and I never realized it before.I always asked, " Why did you do this to yourself." In the dream with the hawk when I couldn't understand what was being said to me it's like he was trying to talk to me but I was to afraid of what he was trying to say. I was unwilling to understand what was going on.In the first dream he drifted away from me telling me no it wasn't my time. In the second dream when i was running from the hawk I was avoiding the situation, because I didn't want to say goodbye.
Now, last night I had a dream and my brother and I were on a bicycle built for two. he was on the front and I was on the back.Then the bike broke apart and were each on separate bikes racing up a big hill. It was then that it hit me like a ton of bricks. Even though we are no longer connected in the physical world as one, we are separate, in the spiritual world even though the bike broke apart, we were still riding side by side...I thank you for this realization. Now, I think I should say goodbye . I will no longer cling to the past his suicide. I need to stop dwelling on the negative and imagine the places the two of can go together now. As a hawk he is free. He and I always connect during dream state and for that I am thankful. Now, the places we can go are endless, but one thing is for sure where ever we go it will be side by side. A brothers love. In beauty it is finished.
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