Chapter 11 : Soulmates

CHAPTER 11 : SOUL MATES PART 1

I walked up the hill and went through the same routine as always, saying my hellos and placing the corn in all the right spots. As I looked up there were four soul mates directly across from me. Speaking quietly and gently I started to fill them in on my plans and telling them how I sincerely hoped they might assist me.

To set the mood of the day it was beautiful. The daffodils were in full bloom, clumps of the completely surround the whole pond and all you can smell is sweet spring. The soul mates kept walking on the other side directly across from me, perfectly lined up. Smiling I continued on to the next bunch of daffodils and waddle, waddle, waddle sure enough they lined up directly across from me again. This continued down the whole length of the pond and back.

I said, " well your friendly today."

" Honk, Honk, Honk, " was my reply

" Really, now that is truly fascinating, " I tossed back at them laughing.

" Well, my beloved soul mates I have hopes of writing a book, something that will touch people. Maybe even have them look at things in ways they never thought they would be possible before. See my babies for a long time I thought I walked this Earth alone and was in need of strength and guidance. Then it dawned on me that perhaps you might like to aide me and help the rest of our Earth family."

" Honk, Honk, Honk."

" Well , that's what I wanted to tell you. Since I've been here listening to you and the rest of my animal family, I haven't been better. Breathing the fresh air, and listening to your stories and filled my being up with light. It is my hope and goal to give others something extraordinary and make them question their everyday lives. Have them listen to what you and the others are saying. Would you help me?"

" Honk- Are you gonna listen, " asked one of the soul mates.

" Yes. " I whispered.

" Are you sincere in this endeavor or do you have selfish motives?"

I cleared my throat, " My motives are sincere I want to give you a voice. Help others to hear your voice and help them to hear the Master within."

" We'll have to talk about it Molly but I for one can't wait to share my stories with you."

" Alright, " I replied.

They got back into the water and as they swam away I waved to them from the shore and said , " Thank You."

Silently I stood and watched them swim back into the swamp where their discussion took place...They had quite the commotion with all sorts of honking and flapping wings.

Everyday was bringing me closer and I knew when the timing was right it would all be worth it.

Chapter 10: Sacred Fire- Burn Brightly

CHAPTER 10: SACRED FIRE- BURN BRIGHTLY

Many times that I sat up by the big pond I would build a small fire and light incense as well. It was my hope that through the smoke of the fire and incense my prayers would be carried to the realm of my ancestors. I asked for guidance and the answers I was longing to know. The place where I built my fire by the pond was very sacred, for it was in the center of my medicine wheel I created. The birds weren't quite sure what to make of it at first,but after a while it was as if they came to to join me and needed it as much as I did.I don't know what exactly I was expecting at first, but it was within my sacred space I knew the answers I longed for were surrounding me and Mother Earth was calling.

As I sat by the pond that hot day with my little fire going, neither the heat from the day or the fire bothered me. I would lie back on the ground and watch the smoke drift carelessly and freely up to the sky. As, I watched it slowly disappear I would often wonder what was watching me from up above. My hawk became a frequent visitor as I waited by the pond for it everyday for a sign or just to hear it's voice utter, "sister I am indeed present here with you." I would talk to my messenger as it would circle over the pond, the fire and lil ol me. I would often stand up and outstretch my arms as if to become one with the hawk, closing my eyes we would soar on the winds of peace and freedom. At times I could hear his strong voice ring out in Truth, " Not long beloved sister and you to shall fly." As I would sit and gaze lovingly up at the sky I often found it hard to keep my composure. Most of the time when tears came to my eyes I would hide them, but at the pond I would welcome them as a release. Realizing I was stepping into a new dimension and one that could be a bit scary at times, I knew that it would aide me on my Earth Walk.

The Sacred Fire is something that has really helped me, no matter what the season, there is nothing like the sound, smell or sight of a fire letting it's inner light shine. With each fire an old part of my life would burn up to make way for new life. The lesson of the fire for me was how each day you can start anew- rebirth in the never ending cycle of life and truth.

Not only does the Sacred Fire burn without but also within your heart and soul.The fire in my heart is one of Love, Peace, Hope, Faith, Understanding, Compassion and above all to keep an Open Heart. To keep an open mind is one thing but to open up our heart is where your strength lies.

Where is your Sacred Fire located in your life my friend? Go within my brothers and sisters and feel it burn brightly. If you are able to do one small thing for me I ask you this: Go outside and breathe. Let the life from without nurture you within. Feel your Sacred Fire, Go to it- and let it encompass you. Take the light you feel and pass it on to others.We can all use a little light in our lives.

Now Go : Let your Inner Flame burn brightly...

Chapter 9: Listen To The Great Spirit

CHAPTER 9: LISTEN TO THE GREAT SPIRIT

This is what came to one day as I was sitting and writing by the pond. May you search within yourself and hear what is being shared with you.

The God of my heart comes to me on the wings of a bird and speaks to me through the wind in the trees. The voice is ever flowing as it speaks of Truth and Peace.

The Great Spirit speaks to us all through the gentleness of deer,the power of horse,the grace of swan, the meaningful song of the frogs,the sacred spiral dance of the grouse, the strength of hawk and the understanding of the trees.

If you look at each individually you would realize you can't have one without the other. You can't have understanding without gentleness. Meaning without strength. Or a sacred dance without power and grace.Everything is connected in the Circle of Life.

Do you listen to what the Great Spirit says to you?

Mother Earth is crying. What do you the human being intend to do about it?What would you say to the deer if you stoped and looked it in the eyes?

As the mother deer stands with her fawn she looks at you. In her eyes you read fear, hope, gentleness, and understanding.She speaks in a way that only the purest of heart would understand. She begins by saying, " I am afraid, not for myself but for my baby. If you take me how will she survive? I hope you can see that I am not harming you and only wish to understand why you wish to harm me.We are hungry and my baby must eat. As a mother you want to protect your baby. I know what you must do, but please not now.I understand the law of Nature.I will give up life if you will let my baby live. I forgive you. I also understand you have a family that must survive.If you would listen with your heart you would realize that we are the same and that we are all one."

As you move on you hear the stomping of hooves. There before you stands a horse. It's massive form is blocking your path. Every muscle in it's magnificant body is tense.It whinies and bucks and jumps infront of you. It's black coat is almost blue as it shines in the sunlight.It's tail flaps carelessly around and it's mane blows freely in the breeze.It's eyes hold a faraway look that you know well.Then he speaks: "You take to much upon yourself, come run with me.Free yourself from your worries and come to see the inward power you posess.As we gallop along ou will see life as I do.It passes you by so quickly and there is no going back. Will you be pleased with everything you have left behind?It is time for you to take the reins in your own life and gallop into the world of peace and love.Become that and you shall know true power.Do this and you will realize that we are the same and that we are one. "

As you continue on your path you come to a pond.You notice a swan and how it carries itself with such grace and dignity. As you watch it as if in a trance you notice how it holds its neck perfectly with it's head held high and it's eyes level with your own. "Greetings to you, have you come to speak with me? I swim in the water of peace and love. I carry myself with grace and dignity through all that I do. Do you do that in your own life? I see many like yourself who walk around with their eyes glued to the ground.Why is that? How would others view you? Would they say you carry yourself with grace or are you a dis-grace?I speak through love and swim in hope that someday this world will be filled with peace. If you will only listen you will realize that we are the same and that we are one." The swan then swims away leaving you to your own thoughts.

As you begin to walk away you hear the song of the frogs. They sing with such love in their hearts and each song carries such a meaning. Their songs are of light,life,love, and how everything is connected in the circle of life. The frog then surfaces and hops over to greet you, as he lands infront of you he looks you directly in the eyes and says. " Our songs are full of meaning and are about how this earth has come to be. As you look back over your life can you find the meaning? Do you know where you fit my child of light? Go within and listen to our song and you will realize that we are the same and that we are one."

You slowly walk away from the pond and continue on your path. "May I have this dance?"Turning around you notice a grouse doing it's sacred sprial dance. It's spirals with ease and it comes up infront of you so it can look you in the eyes. " When I dance, it's in hope that one day we will all learn to listen to one another. With each turn of my dance I pray that more love will be shared around the world. I've been through downward spirals as well as upward spirals. Which are you in at this present moment my child? Either is okay because you are exactly where you need to be. But may I ask you this-will you come to dance with me in harmony? If you do this you will realize that we are the same and that we are one."

You continue on and as you do you hear the high pitched screech of the hawk above. The beautiful and magnificent bird soars above you in hopes you'll hear his call. As it comes and lands before you, you notice his strength as he looks deep within your eyes. " You my child keep yourself grounded and don't listen to the message sent to you through the Earth Mother. Why is that? Are you afraid of your own strength? Come soar with me beloved earth dweller and see the beauty of this earth from a higher perspective. If you do this you will realize that we are the same and that we are one."

Finally, you come to rest against the willow tree. As you slowly lower yourself down to rest against it, you hear something deep within calling to you. You go within for a while when all at once you hear the words of the willow. " Do you understand what the others have told you?" You look up and it's limbs seem to lower to encompass you- to protect you. As you sit protected under the willow she speaks, "You seem as if you are always on the run. Be still like me and let the wind and life swirl around you. If you will only learn to be grounded and stable you will learn much from the world around you as i do. Silently I stand and watch over the land.Patiently I wait for those who are willing to listen and understand.You my dear friend have come far on your journey and have learned many valuable lessons. You have shared a moment of peace with the deer, a moment of power with the horse, you have glided gracefully through your experiences with the swan, you read the meaning behind the songs of the frog, you shared a sacred spiral dance with brother grouse and came out more willing to listen. Finally, the strength you learned from the hawk got you here to me, where i now believe you are ready to understand your place in this life. Listen to what I have said and you will realize that we are the same and that we are one."

You slowly stand up and thank the Great Spirit for showing you a different path. A path of Light,Life,and Love.A place where animals and humans are one.

I ask you to take a moment and reflect on the words just shared above and see what comes to you through the voice of the Great Spirit.

Chapter 8: Determination

As the weeks and months continued to drift past I found a new side of me. I suppose it wasn't a new side of me, but I found the real me, and I was happy and grateful for that. I continued day after day to march up there and show all the critters that I was in no way going to harm them. Sooner or later it would all work out.

Well, hi there , I said to the little birds and they were hungrily watching me place the corn on the ground., " What," I asked, "do you want this?"After what seemed like forever I heard, " if you want us to share with you your going to have to give us time." Well, I replied, " I've given you time and I've already informed you that there is no way that you are going to get rid of me,so what do you think of that?" "Time will tell,"replied the black bird. "Indeed, it will," I tossed over my shoulder as I walked over to place the last bit of corn I had brought onto the ground. "Ahh ha, I will take a picture of you while you are eating," I said to myself, as I watched the little bird snatching up the corn. I stood up and walked over slowly to take the picture of my little friend, when he quickly flew over my head and landed smack dab in the middle of all my stuff I had brought with me that day. Laughing at me he quipped, " your gonna have to be quicker than that now aren't you?" I said, " I'll get you, you know that." "Sure you will he said, over time, you must be patient, and if your lucky."" Hey, I said, I bring you corn everyday." "So, he replied we lived just fine without you before." "Well, your not gonna again, so you might as well get used to the fact." I stood there eyeing up the determined little fella who was standing his ground.

"Your a stubborn one aren't you? I asked. " You are also," he replied. " What can I say birds of a feather flock together." "Okay a sad stab at humor but still...." I made a mental note to myself that the little guy was gonna be difficult to win over, but with hard work and time we could be friends.

I walked over to my stuff and flopped down, as I laid back on the ground I watched the perfect unmoving sky. The puffy white clouds were smiling down on me and held me in a trance I didn't want to come out of. I watched how carelessly the little birds flew over head and found myself laughing as one little one got a bit ahead of himself and almost wound up face to face with a tree.

Ohhhhhh, I sighed to myself as I listened to the soul mates honking to one another in the distance. "What I'm trying to do will take a lot of determination," I mumbled. " You have it replied my dear friend the wind." "Do I really believe that," I asked. "Yes, I do it answered- the time is near when all shall be revealed to you. Be ready- have your heart and eyes open and notebook ready." The wind encircled me with such a sincerity I felt as if I was going to cry. "Thanks for your faith, I whispered. Thanks for yours was my answer." "So, I asked are you going to tell me a story? Indeed-when your ready. I'm ready.Ahh, it replied you Molly are on the path to being ready. Soon my child all shall be revealed...

Chapter 7 : Homeward Bound

Backpack- check.

Notebook- check

Pen- check

Bird Book- check

Blanket- check

Binoculars- check

Camera- check

Book on Plants- check

Book on Pond Fish and Insects- check

I continued down my check list as I was preparing for my trip to the pond. Everything was in check so I grabbed my drink and backpack and headed out the door to greet the day. I had only to make one more pit stop and that was to go to my dads machine shop and grab a can of corn. I began taking corn from the beginning to the geese and other critters ,that was my giveaway and thank you to them. I do firmly believe it to be appropriate to offer something back to them they are sharing their sacred space, guidance and strength with me. The least I can do is make an offering and say Thank You. After I filled the can up I was off.

As, I walked down the road that day I glanced up at the clouds that seemed to be smiling down on me and reaching out to encompass me with a hug. I let the sunshine fall upon my face and closed my eyes, at that point I just knew everything would come together in my life.For so long I searched and questioned my existence and on that day I felt I was homeward bound. I had this huge smile on my face and I began to laugh out loud and turned in a circle as I looked at my surroundings.

To make it a bit easier for you to picture- to get to the big pond we walk down a dirt road.It has two big fields on the one side of the road and the other side is just brush and trees. To get to the pond you cross a small clearing which has trees scattered about it.The path that leads you up to the pond goes through the trees.There are two huge trees on either side of the path and to me represent the pathway to heaven. You walk up the small path, cross over the rocks of a little overflow and walk up the hill to be greeted by the pond. My heart skips a beat and my eyes brim with tears as I just think about it.

So, as I walked towards the entrance I saw the trees anxiously waving to me and calling me to enter into the secret haven which they have long sense guarded. AS, i went to pass the one huge tree I looked up at it and placed all of my stuff I was carrying on the ground.I walked over to it and gave it a huge hug and closed my eyes so i could see as the tree did. Your eyes can deceive you but your heart and inner being cannot. The feeling that rushed through me as my arms were around this magnificent life force was the sense of being at one and grounded. You could hear the trees whisper, " have you come to hear our stories?" With everything inside me I wanted to shout, " Yes, I am here." but what I said was, " It is my sincere hope that I will be able to do you all justice and tell others what it is you wish to share." You could hear the tree breath deeply as he replied, " You must keep your mind open and doubt the things that you hear." I said, " how do I know it is you I hear and not just a voice from within.?" Laughing he replied, " Either way what you hear, see and write is meant to be and others should hear it." Thanking the tree I continued on my path. The other trees stood tall and proud as I slowly walked through them. I got to the end of the path where you need to cross over this tiny overflow of water. Trying to gracefully maneuver my way across the stepping stones I began to laugh. How graceful this must look to all of you I ventured to say.If any of you feel a need to laugh at how nicely I just crossed that kindly wait till I am out of earshot. They swayed back and forth as they quietly began to laugh at me. I too began to laugh and it felt great- just to laugh and to feel and know that for once in my life I was accepted.
I walked up the hill and found myself face to face with my new home, my inner home, a place where it didn't matter if I wanted to laugh, scream, cry, dance, talk just to get my feelings out, anything- they were all there and willing to listen.The only thing they asked for in return was the same respect in which they were showing me.
Taking the corn I placed it in three separate places around the bank of the pond, then I walked over and took a see and sat there and waited and watched. At first the blackbirds weren't sure of what to make of me as they screeched and told me off for startling them.The soul mates look at me quickly and then swam off into the swamp gossiping about the newcomer that had appeared to them. I patiently waited for them to come back around, after all our journey was just beginning, and they needed to get to know me and realize that I meant them no harm.The heron wanted absolutely nothing to do with me, it flew away instantly and told me off as it went. After all for years the pond had been quiet. No one had shown themselves except for a quick walk around or to keep it mowed down. I told the heron tell me off all you want but you will soon see that I am here to stay. I sat down and took out my remembrance journal and began to write.I opened myself up to hear things through my heart and observed how everything went together in exquisite detail. I mean each little thing had its proper place and way of working, sure that is common sense but when you really stop and watch it is amazing. I just sat there and watched them for what seemed like hours, then I stood up and held out my arms to the side and turned in a circle three times. I gazed up into the sky and twirled and felt myself become quiet and centered, I do this every time I leave the pond and still do till this day. Three signifies perfection the triangle, and is a very mystical number to me. I turn in a circle because that is what our life is one big never ending cycle, the circle of our existence. Making my circles I smiled inside then went over grabbed my bag and other goodies, said thank you to the Great Spirit and all those present and I'll see you tomorrow.

Chapter 6 : Dreams and Experiences

I figured a good place to start would be with my dreams and experiences because in doing that you may better understand where I am coming from. Plus, I have learned over the years that it is important to pay attention to your dreams. Most of my dreams are bird related in one form or another. In paying attention to my dreams things that happened while I was awake began to make more sense.I can't stress enough how important it is to hear the messages that are sent to you through dream time.

DREAM#1

As I was walking through the woods I came upon four red tail hawks. Two were off to the left of me up in a big tree and one was located just behind me. The fourth one flew down and landed directly in front of me and began to speak. As he spoke the words he uttered were below him as if I were watching a foreign film (at the time his words were foreign to me).I became afraid of what he was trying to tell me and I turned around and ran from him.

EXPERIENCE#1

After that dream one day I was up in my room listening to my Douglas Spotted Eagle cd. I always listen to his music when I want to be inspired or write. I had some divination cards I was reading and the question I asked was, " what is the hawk trying to tell me." The answer was simple and true throughout the cards-clinging to old ways was my problem.That day I sat in my room looking out over the yard and trying to quiet the noise in my mind.When over the trees flew a red tail hawk and it came closer and flew directly over my bedroom window, circled and disappeared as quickly as it came. That beautiful bird answered a lot of things for me that day and for that I will always be grateful. It helped me to realize how we are all connected on this journey and that was the evening I was inspired to write A Brothers Love.

DREAM#2

One day I was walking over to my sisters house and my folks, sister and I were all out in her yard talking.I was standing by the side of her garage next to her split rail fence. My mom and sister were sitting on a bench talking to one another. I was just standing there watching them when a hawk swooshed down and landed in her purple lilac bush. I had my camera on me and I lifted it to take a picture of the beautiful bird and click my darn camera wouldn't work, I couldn't get it to take a picture. Then the huge magnificent bird flew over and landed effortlessly on my camera and we both fell down to the ground. I was lying there in the sweet smelling grass and laughing and talking to the hawk when I accidentally bumped my camera and hit the zoom lens. When that occurred I got a super close up look at the hawks amazingly detailed face.

EXPERIENCE#2

A few days after that dream I had a phone call from my sister and she asked if I would mind walking over because there was a huge bird that was on the bell out back of her house.She said it might be a hawk so I grabbed my binoculars and booked out the back door. By the time I ran down the path to her house the bird was gone. I was standing outside talking to her about it and she was describing it to me when we heard a high screeching sound.I told my sister that I was gonna follow it, because I just knew that the bird was calling to me. So, I started out following the screech it took me to the back of her house and then I started to journey out back into the woods. It would screech then stop and I would continue to follow, stopping when the call did only to have start in again and call me closer. I just had to find this bird and yet it was all still a mystery to me. Finally, after climbing over fallen trees, walking through water, pushing my way through pricker bushes and stumbling along the way I reached the big pond. There is run off out behind the pond that is swampy and i ended up on a little piece of land out in the swamp.When I got to the bank I saw something fly and then land. Then something else flew and landed over my head in the tree. I took out my binoculars and looked up and what I saw was the hawk from my dreams in exquisite detail. I stumbled and ran all the way home to grab my notebook, pen, camera, bird book, and my backpack.I went running down the road this time instead of trying to cut through the woods again.I ran up the hill and onto the bank and what I saw were three hawks circling over the pond and letting me know that they knew I was there. Then they flew away leaving me to stand there and try to catch my breath. It was a beautiful experience, because at the time I wanted to get to the pond but something would come up and I was unable to make it that day.The hawks got me to where I needed to be, they had brought me home.

DREAM#3

My sister and I were standing at this building when someone walked over and said," something bad had happened to our one brother." We asked the person," how bad is it,"they responded ," he has passed away. "We went walking through the building and found my second brother standing in the middle of the stairs and my folks were at the bottom crying. My sister ran down to them and I stood at the top of the stairs looking at everyone. When I glanced to my left my oldest brother was standing there remember he was the one who had already passed away.We then all ended up sitting in this auditorium in which my oldest brother was sitting next to me. He said." I am sorry that our brother is gone." I looked at him and said, "can anyone else see you?"He looked at me and replied, "no just you." I said, "why is that? " "Because you are the only one that wants to see me right now." I leaned over to hug him and woke up.

EXPERIENCE #3

The next morning after I woke up, I sat up and was upset and confused, I decided to get up get dressed and go for a walk to calm down.I walked to the pond like I did in the morning, and as soon as I reached my destination I was greeted by the great blue heron. The heron that flew away every other day I had been there stayed that morning and looked on . It flew over to a tree that was directly across from me and landed facing me as if to say, " I am here and unafraid." Between my dream and the heron staying after so long, I dropped to my knees on the ground and began to cry. I had my hands placed on my knees as I was kneeling down, my head was bent down and I was sobbing uncontrollably.I then heard a loud screech, I squinted through the sun that morning and looked up above me to see my hawk circling over head. I began to cry harder yet if you can imagine and said," I'm not alone am I?" At that very moment I uttered those words kingfishers began to fly out of the brush one by one forming a perfect triangle in the trees. What touched me was when they all landed gracefully in the trees they all were facing me as if to say we too are unafraid and want to help you on your journey to truth. I stood up and as I did I turned a circle and looked above me. The heron was directly across from me, the king fishers were next to me and the hawk was circling above singing his love and peace as he flew.

If I may expand just a bit this was a beautiful summer morning. The birds were singing, the trees were resting, the grass was so green and full of life, the flowers were reaching out there petals to me as I passed and the sun was shining in all it's splendor warmly caressing everything it holds sacred.

So, when this happened it was no doubt an initiation for me, I have been through many when it comes to the pond and every time I walk away in awe and even more confident that we all are indeed one on this path of light,life and love.

Chapter 5: Remembrance

What I started was a remembrance journal. A notebook where I could place my thoughts as I had them. Then, I started to write down everything that I heard.Simple right? Not as easy as one might think. It was an experience that I am grateful for and one that has taught me so much. I didn't so much want to write what I saw with my physical eyes- but what I saw a felt through my heart. You must,however, realize that my heart had a hole in it and was afraid to feel or to look at things. So, it was also I who must be willing to open myself up and Trust. I wrote down everything that I saw or heard.Then, I realized just how much we take for granted. A couple of examples might be---

*The sound of the soul mates wings as they fly overhead.
*Freedom
*How a ripple starts off small and then seems to expand out through eternity
*Trickle of water
*The sweet smell of the Earth

I could go on forever with my list, but these were just a few examples of the hundreds I now have.
The journal would be something that I would be able to always hold on to. It would help me to get a better understanding of all the beauty that surrounded me yet I took for granted. In learning about nature and reconnecting with the Great Spirit I found a greater sense of Self. Through the journal anytime I felt alone I would read it and the thoughts I had would instantly take me back to that moment in time that I wrote my feelings.It was also a major help because when I wanted to write I would have a reference to go back and look at.
I was hoping that through my journal I would be able to flip back through it and give the reader a more descriptive picture of how things were.
So, it is through my remembrance journal I shall now be able to guide you through my life experiences and lessons. What I saw through the my heart, geese, hawk, and every living being from the tiniest bug to the never ending sky.
Are you ready for our journey to begin? If so let us not waste one more moment. Turn the page and let the fun begin.

Chapter 4: A New Beginning

This is where I find myself at the Big Pond gazing out over all of the activity. Earlier in the day I was at the Upper Pond where I told you what took place in chapter 1.
The Big Pond is different from the Upper Pond. The Upper Pond is a small pond that is surrounded by pine trees around the edge of the bank and then is swallowed up in the great big forest. It is a place where the cat tails stand proud as they watch over their secret haven. There are the water lilies which float with little effort and shyly greet the morning as they open up their flowers and give joy to the pond. You can almost hear the pond bubble up as it boasts about how lovely the lilies are doing this year if the frogs care to leap in and check them out. It is a quiet pond, however, it is a place of peace, calmness and solitude.
Now, the Big Pond on the other hand is always busy. It too is surrounded by trees and all of natures wonder.It's a pond that reaches back into the woods where it creates homes for geese and other birds and animals. It is clear and open and not as shy as the Upper Pond. This is a pond where the geese gossip openly, the red wing and tri colored black birds wait patiently for me to bring them food, the beavers bustle around always in a hurry, and occasionally we'll have a deer peep out to see what's going on. A busy place with much to learn and observe if given the proper time and attention. There is always something trying to teach you if you quiet yourself and look around.
It was a lesson I longed to learn and there was something inside that said, " The time is now, and the time is you."
The first day I went to the big pond I didn't have a notebook or anything I was just going for a walk to check out how green everything looked after the cold winter. As I sat there I received a lot of messages as I did before. So, I sat and watched the geese (which I will be calling soul mates through the rest of the book). The reason I address them as soul mates as they mate for life and will literally pine to death over the loss of their mate.So, that day as I sat and watched them, I noticed they were eyeing me up nervously. No doubt saying to one another, " who is this girl who sits on the bank and watches us." The birds flew carelessly overhead and eventually had surrounded by the time that I had left that day. The heron flew away because it did not yet trust this strange being at the pond. It took me sometime to win over the herons trust but that story I shall share with you later. As I stood up to leave that day I vowed to come back the following day.As, I started to leave that day, I felt a sadness rush over me because I didn't want to leave. It was then that I knew I was home. I couldn't wait for my new adventure to start.

Chapter 3: Making The Connection

See this was where my life was changing although I hadn't completely put it together yet. I wrote A Brothers Love and set it aside, and didn't realize things until months later. The hawk is a major player in my book. It has come to me many times during my dreams as well as on my walks to the pond and through the woods. Later on I will share more of my stories and lessons the hawk has taught me. The hawk is symbolic to me- I realize many who read this might say, " Okay you think the hawk is your brother." As strange as that may sound, I believe it is a sign from my brother. It is your choice to view it in whatever way makes you feel comfortable. I believe my brother knew the way to get through to me was by using something that would catch my attention, and something that would always be near to me, and inspire me.
Many days I would sit on the couch and watch the hawk fly effortlessly and free on the hidden air currents. I'd sleep at night and watch him and others swoop into my dreams with a message. Then during waking hours I would walk around and mimic them. In mimicking them I mean trying to view things from a higher perspective.Then one night I had another feeling come to me so I began to write. April 4, 1999

Making The Connection:

Tonight as I was walking outside I felt something beautiful rush over me. I looked up at the big dark sky that seemed to engulf me.I noticed the full moon trying to spread it's light over the trees and lawn. It's almost like for a moment in time, I was playing hide and seek with the moon. It kept trying to come out from behind the clouds that were keeping it from shining it's light down over everything. Then, I felt the urge come over me to hold out my arms as if I were getting ready to take flight. Closing my eyes I slowly began to spin in a circle. I listened to the wind blowing in the trees, and the peepers were singing there joyous song of spring. It was then at that very moment I realized that I was being Molly. Looking up once again to the stars I thanked the Cosmic for placing a little speck like me here on the Earth. Then I thanked him for the gift of sight and being able to hear natures music. As I sat down I realized for the first time in months I was me. I didn't put on any fake fronts or smiles, I was me the little 'ole country bumpkin that I am.

A few days ago I went up to our pond. Sitting on a rock we have there I closed my eyes. I heard every sound of the tree branches in the wind, the leaf blowing over the snow sounded so loud. Then the words, " Listen With Your Heart You Will Understand." came to me. As always I had my arms outstretched to my beautiful surroundings. As I stood up to leave I began to cry. I walked over to the nearest tree and hugged it. I thanked it for what it did in the circle of life and what it did for me. I continued on my path and turned around one more time to look at everything before the pond would disappear behind the trees, and once again the tears started flowing. An overwhelming feeling flooded me and I walked over to yet another tree and asked it to give me strength, and I honestly felt 100% better.

Today as I was walking I went over to another tree and hugged it and the same words, "Listen With Your Heart You Will Understand." echoed through my being. Then it dawned on me why I hugged the tree, it's solid, it stands for life, and it is in touch with it's roots.

So, tonight as I looked up at the sky and thought about the past few days, it came to me. I was listening with my heart and I understood. I too stood solid as I gazed up at the moon, and was in touch with my inner being.At that moment in time I realized that I couldn't have been any happier because I had made the connection.

Chapter 2: A Brothers Love

No longer afraid or clinging to old ways, I will now take my place with the others on my spiritual path. I am strong and powerful and can do whatever it is I choose to do. I will not let society rule me or choose the path they see fit. I am not like them, I am an individual. You will not rule me, nor will you make decisions for me, I may be different, but I AM ME! We all should listen to the hawk for we all are one.The hawk has led me to believe I have NOTHING to fear. For if I let go of my old ways, I too may be set free, to fly like the hawk in the breeze. It is now time for me to bid farewell to the past and greet the present with open arms. As I now go on my inward journey to discover Self and where exactly it is that I come from, I ask you to be patient for I am now just discovering my inner power. I am trying to give my most inner and intimate feelings a voice. It will no longer be kept caged afraid of what might happen if I let it out.
I have recently been faced with something amazing, during dream state four red tail hawks came to me. One was in front of me speaking to me. The words he spoke were underneath him like captions from a foreign movie. I couldn't bring myself to read the words, I was too afraid of the hawk and was trying to run away from him.
A few days while I was up in my room having my quiet time and meditating the hawk resurfaced. As I was listening to my Douglas Spotted Eagle cd the hawk came flying towards me. I was sitting at my desk looking out my bedroom window, when all of the sudden this hawk started flying towards our house and towards my bedroom window. As, it came through the trees it began to circle above my window. The sky was so blue and the sun was shining and brought out every intricate detail of my little messenger. The brown of his wings, the black streaks, the white trim, the red of his beautiful tail stood out against the sky like nothing I had ever seen before. It was then that I realized I must begin to listen to myself. The hawk was trying to open my eyes up to something amazing. I have been living in the past afraid of what the future might hold. I now know that God has sent an unexpected gift to watch over me and to open my eyes up to all of life's beautiful creations. I no longer have to run from the past or fear the future. I know I still have much to learn, but I now feel I can grasp anything that is cast in my direction.
A question that must be asked is what is it that I am so afraid of? What is it that I fear? Is it perhaps being rejected, not succeeding in what I try to do, not being good enough, not living up to my expectations, OR not living up to everybody Else's expectations? What? These are all things that weigh heavily on my mind, but I always try to brush it away or ignore it. Maybe if I ignore it, it will just go away! Here I thought this was going to be the end, little did I know this was just the beginning of something truly beautiful.
Ever since I can remember I wanted to make everyone happy, then after I lost my oldest brother to suicide my life felt extremely empty and dark. I often wondered why he left me here in the mundane world and he got to go to the heavenly plane so to speak.
After he died he came to me in a dream. A dream that will forever be burned into my heart and mind. He was dressed in all white, his shirt was a button up dress shirt with a white overcoat to match.He also had on dress pants and white shoes...A beautiful man and he stood right there in front of me. His hair was feathered back like he used to wear it. He had a beard and mustache and his blue eyes were shining so brightly.He had a beautiful smile on his face and he had his hand outstretched to me. I was wearing a long white dress to my ankles with white shoes. My brown curly hair was down and I was smiling back at him. We were surrounded in what looked like bright white clouds, almost as if in a fog. I was talking to him and telling him how much I missed him and loved him, I went to reach out to him and he started drifting back.I was running towards him and pleading with him to stop and come back so I could go with him.He stopped held out his hand and this time when I reached for his hand my went straight through his.I was crying and he started drifting again, he drifted back into the fog and left me there alone screaming, " I love you and I want to go with you." Then I woke up...
Now would be a good time to stop and share what just came to me. In the beginning of this I started out by saying "that I am an individual, I am me. That I needed to let go of the past" There is something deep inside that tells me that the hawk is a sign from the Cosmic or is in some way my brother. The suicide has had a firmer grip on my than I ever imagined. Just by starting out saying, " no one will hold me back," then going right into the dream about my brother.Its all connected and I never realized it before.I always asked, " Why did you do this to yourself." In the dream with the hawk when I couldn't understand what was being said to me it's like he was trying to talk to me but I was to afraid of what he was trying to say. I was unwilling to understand what was going on.In the first dream he drifted away from me telling me no it wasn't my time. In the second dream when i was running from the hawk I was avoiding the situation, because I didn't want to say goodbye.
Now, last night I had a dream and my brother and I were on a bicycle built for two. he was on the front and I was on the back.Then the bike broke apart and were each on separate bikes racing up a big hill. It was then that it hit me like a ton of bricks. Even though we are no longer connected in the physical world as one, we are separate, in the spiritual world even though the bike broke apart, we were still riding side by side...I thank you for this realization. Now, I think I should say goodbye . I will no longer cling to the past his suicide. I need to stop dwelling on the negative and imagine the places the two of can go together now. As a hawk he is free. He and I always connect during dream state and for that I am thankful. Now, the places we can go are endless, but one thing is for sure where ever we go it will be side by side. A brothers love. In beauty it is finished.